I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
