I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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