no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
