Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
