dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize