I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
