dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
