the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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