It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Randomize
