your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
