There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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