and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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