new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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