how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
