I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
