Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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