hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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