How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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