need another drink. this is the easiest way
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
