Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
