ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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