When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
