i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Who died my cat blue again?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
