he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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