yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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