ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
