He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
