I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
