I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my shit smells like andre
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
