Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
