On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
