your parents love me but you hate me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
