Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
