i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
