Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
