Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Soap is not a condiment
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
