Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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