i need an iv and a liver transplant
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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