if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
