writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
