? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
