He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
