she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
