I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
