I am puke
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
