How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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