i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
