Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
