Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
