I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sorry about my life...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
