I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
