we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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