There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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