I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
