Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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