i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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