Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
