around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
