Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
