I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
