I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
