I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
