Define "chronic" masturbator.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
