i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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