I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It's Friday. Sex?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
