You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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