can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
