I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
