only if we run a train.
done.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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