remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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