I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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