we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It was a blind-side dick pic.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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