The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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