I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
