Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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